5 Simple Ways To Deepen Your Relationship With Yourself
written by Jasmine Irven
There’s a common theme around a lot of the topics we dive into, and it’s the concept of self. Self-love, self-care, self-compassion.
They all revolve around the ways we speak to ourselves, take care of ourselves, and view ourselves, independent of those around us.
And while this idea of focusing on ourselves has historically been viewed as selfish, many are coming around to recognize that if we don’t cultivate this love and appreciation for ourselves, it’s much harder to show up for others in our lives with that same sense of respect, love and care.
Because when we deepen our relationship with ourselves; when we get to know ourselves more intimately; when we connect with our feelings and desires; when we work on ourselves through personal development; when we nourish our body, mind, and soul through movement, good food, and rest; when we spend time in solitude — simply being at home within our bodies in the present — we restore our energy, our drive and our passion to show up more fully as ourselves (and as the best version of ourselves) in the world.
why is our relationship with ourselves so important?
We all have gifts. We all have unique talents and skills and perspectives to share with the world.
But when we’re so concerned with the outside world; how other people are thinking, what other people are doing or feel we should do, we lose touch with our inner knowing.
Instead, by cultivating this sense of connection with who we are when we peel back the layers of stories, expectations, and external beliefs, we’re able to reclaim this sense of self, and share these gifts and talents more unapologetically.
And please know, this is not about ignoring what’s happening in the world or not having a sense of empathy. Of course not! But unfortunately we often stay stuck in states of worrying so much about what’s happening externally that we end up not only negatively impacting our mental and physical health, but we’re of no help to the causes we feel passionately about, because we feel defeated.
And when we’re in lower vibrations of defeat, hopelessness, and sadness, it’s very hard to pull ourselves out of these states and find the additional capacity to help others.
If we can instead have a healthy harmony between nourishing ourselves and others, we will find that both fair better.
5 ways to deepen your relationship with yourself
spend time in solitude
Our overly connected world means that our own desires, feelings, and ideas are overshadowed by what others are doing, or what others think we should be doing.
When we spend time in solitude we’re able to really connect with ourselves: how we feel, what we believe, what feels energetically aligned and what doesn’t, and where we want to be putting our time.
We’re not concerned with the opinions and beliefs of others so in those moments of solitude we can really get clear on what our heart and soul desires; what our intuition is telling us.
Instead of looking outside of ourselves we’re able to look inwards, and quite often we’ll find the answers we’re looking for are within.
Solitude can mean sitting in meditation, journaling, going on long walks, or pursuing creative endeavours, there are no rules around what this might look like, other than it involves being with yourself, by yourself, so that you’re able to sift through what is true for you, and what is simply a story or belief you’re telling yourself.
connect with your vision
Expanding on above, we not only want to connect with what we’re thinking and feeling, but our vision for our life. If we’re in constant comparison, looking at what other people are doing, it’s very easy to feel discouraged or like we aren’t doing enough.
But if we play out that story to the end, quite often we see that we actually don’t want what these other people have. If we considered what their days actually look like, or the work they had to put in to get to the place they’re in, we’d see that it’s not as beautiful as it sometimes can seem from the outside.
And even if it is what we want, to figure that out though, we need to get really clear with our vision!
How do we want to be spending our days?
What energizes us?
Who do we want to be spending time with?
What’s important to us?
Journal on these questions to start to discover what you truly desire, and then regularly connect with that vision to keep you inspired!
practice gratitude and compassion
Far too often we’re incredibly hard on ourselves. We focus on where we’re lacking, what went wrong, where we “failed,” and what we “should” have accomplished based on an arbitrary timeline.
And when we’re continuously focusing on this “gap” between where we want to be and where we are, it’s very challenging to have a loving and supportive relationship with ourselves.
Of course, there is space in our relationship with ourselves to push ourselves further, to craft a vision of where we desire to be so we can make supportive changes in our life (see above), to challenge ourselves and step out of our comfort zone.
However, this relationship also needs duality. It also needs a tenderness; a feminine approach of being and appreciating where we’re at. A relationship that also consists of love, compassion, nurturing and support.
So, practice gratitude. Be kind to yourself. Congratulate yourself. Celebrate you for where you’re at and all that you have. When you approach yourself with this kindness and love, you’ll likely find you’re much more motivated to continue to show up for yourself and the vision you have for your life.
check-in with your alignment
Again, we need to get to know ourselves more! Because we are all unique, and so what others think or say doesn’t always apply to us.
By checking in with how we feel and where we’re aligned or lacking alignment, we’re able to recognize what gives us energy and what drains our energy.
And from this place we can craft our schedule more intentionally, so that our daily life feels good.
Of course, we can’t control what happens to us or around us. But, we can control how we respond, and we can proactively set boundaries and incorporate self-care practices into our routine which support us in this response.
build your sense of self-confidence
We are the only person who is going to be with us for our entire life, so why not become our biggest cheerleader? Cultivate a supportive relationship with yourself by building your sense of self confidence.
Journal on your wins, question and reframe any unhelpful thoughts, learn to speak kindly to yourself rather than listening solely to your inner critic.
Consider how you would speak to and treat a loved one, and make an effort to begin placing that same energy, support, and love into your relationship with yourself.
You might be amazed at how much more enjoyable your life becomes when you learn to love yourself just that little bit more.
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about the author
Hey there! I’m Jasmine, founder of the Sustainable Bliss Collective, a Certified Meditation Teacher, and lover of all things self-care, slow-living, and personal development.
I believe that ambition and self-care can coexist, and as such I hope to encourage and inspire you to take care of yourself, breathe deeply, connect with who you are, manifest your dreams, enjoy the blissful moments of each day, and make an impact in this beautiful world we call home.
Connect with me on Instagram here!
