how to stop feeling guilty for our "guilty pleasures"
written by Daniela | originally posted on her blog Best D Life
Guilty pleasure. Such a loaded phrase! Why do we need to feel “guilty” about the things that make us happy? Why should we be ashamed? Typically, those “guilty pleasures” are the things that make me smile and that I look back on with happy memories.
Binge-watching a favourite show with friends. Air-popped popcorn covered in sriracha honey butter. A leisurely walk without having to rush home. Chocolate. So where does the guilt come from? The next sections will help us begin to look not only at where that guilt comes from but also how to begin letting that guilt go.
When we talk about guilty pleasures, it’s the fact that the activity is solely for pleasure - and not necessarily productive - that we see it as a luxury rather than a necessity. We judge the activity as shameful or something to feel bad about. There’s a lot of there baggage we need to break down, as guilt is a learned behaviour - so let’s unlearn it!
Let’s look at the guilt part of guilty pleasures. Why do we feel like we’re being selfish if we are doing something good for ourselves? Where did we learn that from? Sometimes being able to go back and see where that came from can help us in un-doing that mindset. They say guilt comes from a value or rule that was ingrained in us, that now we feel we are breaking and should feel bad about. Is it a value around not being constantly productive as “lazy”? Is it a judgment around a standard of healthy eating?
change your mind
By self-examining the mindset that we see as a “guilty pleasure” we can then look at our mindset and begin to reframe our perspective to one that is less judgmental and rigid and in general more open to being OK with veering from our “norm”.
Our own inner voice is very powerful and can say in-grained thoughts that we may know are harsh, but they can be hard to “unthink”. Sometimes writing those thoughts down or saying them aloud, can help us hear and reflect on them in a different way and give us the power to change them.
Remind yourself it is not hurting another individual and does not come from a place a malicious intent. This can all help you re-think those actions.
own it!
As individuals, we tend to have a consistent framework around how we define ourselves. What we like, how we take care of ourselves. Yet when we veer from that - is when we feel guilty or wrong - since it is not in-line with how we have defined ourselves.
Stop hiding what you are doing. Keeping it a secret gives it the power to make you question if what you are doing is OK. Celebrate the things you enjoy doing without fear of you ( or anyone else for that matter) judging you.
Allowing ourselves to “have more than one side” and that any variation in those consistent behaviours does not mean that we are losing ourselves. It’s OK to set a boundary from any outside judgment and let the world know you are taking a moment and putting yourself first.
If you’ve been following me you know I see self-care as a vital part of a day to day routine. As well as, by engaging in regular self-care, everyone around you experiences the benefits.
sprinkle happiness like confetti
The last part of that guilt is happiness. So many of us find it hard to be open with our happiness - like the expectation is if you don’t have something to complain about you’re not living.
It’s not to pretend things are perfect, or that bad things are not happening in our lives or in the world. But unfortunately, we have learned to hide it.
I think of as a kid, doing well on a test in school, but hiding or even lying about my grade, because like everyone else around me didn’t do as well and I didn’t want to be seen as bragging. There is a social connection in commiserating. Over time, that mindset can make success and happiness seem like the outcasts.
Happiness can look different for so many people and I’m sure I’ll have several other posts and chats about happiness and how to find it, Ultimately, why is it like some golden unicorn everyone is searching for, everyone talks about, but nobody seems to really be able to say “Yep I’ve got it” (Or at least feel comfortable doing so if they are).
Happiness can be scary too as it can create a vulnerability. We feel like if we acknowledge that we are happy - if we just sit and enjoy being happy, that then it can be taken away from us. So if we hide what makes us happy, no one can take it away (with their opinions and judgments).
When it comes to the benefits of happiness they are infinite. By focusing on the positives and joys of life and to really acknowledge them, we reduce our stress, increase our brain functioning, reduces depression, and increases overall life satisfaction. Happiness is an integral part of our self-care and ultimately it’s a choice we can choose to make.
So let’s get out there and own and celebrate all that makes us truly happy! Eat that cake, watch that Rom-Com, dance to your favourite song, and QUIT feeling guilty! Learn to love ourselves unconditionally and acknowledge that we deserve to be cared for - even if it is by ourselves. It’s OK and you deserve it!
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about the author
Hey - It is so great to meet you! My name is Daniela (my close friends call me “D”). I have been a Licensed Masters Social Worker for over 23 years working with individuals on self-care, stress management skills, mindfulness, relationships, parenting and just managing all the craziness that life sends your way.
My goal is to empower all women find develop these skills to help them find peace, balance and bliss in their lives. Through social media, blogs, webinars, podcasts, and live events, I hope to positively inspire and connect you to "your tribe". Where it all comes together and it all makes sense.
Find links to all of my work over on my website!
